This is the first of her prompts I have written but I plan to write a few more from her list. I adore her and after writing this letter to my past self I felt very calm and almost like a weight was lifted. I wish 18 year old Paula could have read this. It would have been nice to know things got better.
Well here is my letter to 18 year old Paula.
Dear 18 year old Paula,
Put down the fanfiction and lets have a girl to girl chat. I feel a little like the Time Traveller's Wife while I write this. You'll read that book in the future and totally get this reference. If this is like a Back to the Future type deal, can you please do a few things before reading the rest of this letter.
1. Be more active, woman! Our family history has a horrible track record for healthy women. Maybe walk around or something.
2. Love your body more. Learn to dress yourself properly and maybe look up some good skin care regimens. Oh and brush your teeth more or just floss more. The cavity bills sucks ass.
3. For the love of god pick up a book on cars. Just learn the basics ok? Nothing crazy just learn what the different parts of a car are and what their use is.
I'll know if this worked when I post it and look down at myself and see a smoking hot bod, and maybe more money in my bank cause I didn't waste it all on crappy cars.
OK now lets get real. The next couple of years are going to have some major up and downs. Your life is a roller coaster and you'll learn that the terror isn't so much the drop but the climb up to the top. Soon you're going to get your first official boyfriend!!! I know right. CONGRATS!!! You're going to experience a lot of firsts with him. Some will make you happy, like the obvious, others like your first breakup not so much fun. I know, sorry to burst the bubble. It's inevitable though, he was not your lobster. Just good practice.
Enjoy 18-19 because 19-20 is when the coaster your riding crashes in the pond below. You're going to learn the true meaning of heartbreak. That nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you think will one day happen...sorry sweetie but it happens. You'll discover you're stronger than you think you are, and you get through it, but be prepared, it will change you. One day you'll wake up and realize the things you wanted in your life, well, some aren't so important anymore. There are no words to prepare you for this, I wish I had some words of wisdom.
The people around you are going to surprise you too. Some will disappoint you while others will become more important, and even more you'll never see again. The latter group of people will leave because you will shut them out of your life. It wont be until years later that you'll realize what you've done. You won't be able to change it, just know that this is what you do. Grow from it and move on.
I unfortunately can't help you in the 'Ugly Duckling' department. Even at 28 I still don't feel pretty. If anything I feel worse. Some days I wake up with a song in my head and I have a dance party in the car on the way to work. I may have a little extra sway to my nonexistent ass and I'll feel gorgeous. Other days I feel like shit but I plaster on that fake smile. My advice is the same from above. Become more active, I'd really like to see 30 with 80lbs less weight.
Silver lining time. Try your best to hold out until 2007-2008. You're going to travel this year. LONDON BOUND BABY. Also you're going to meet someone that is going to surprise you the most. The true Paula who you've kept hidden is going to come out. Your light and your dark, and you're nerdy alter ego. People will question this change in you. Some may even think you're changing for him, but the truth is he brings all this out. He's going to see this side of you and not question it. He's going to let you embrace the hell out of it. He's going to show you things you never thought you wanted in your life, but once you have it you won't want to let it go. Do yourself a favor. ANSWER HIS FACEBOOK MESSAGE! Agree to a date with him and don't look back. The rest of your life, and be prepared cause the coaster is back on track and ready for another crash, it's going to be easier to handle because he's going to be holding your hand through it.
That feeling of always being stepped on and pushed to the side and walked all over? It goes away; not fully, but it gets better. You'll learn to stand up for yourself and you get more confidence to fight for the important things. It's an amazing feeling and you become way more confident because of it. And that chick you idol so much, the one with the awesome husband and two cute kids, tends to come over a lot for Sunday dinner, ya she becomes one of your best friends. You both may not share everything with each other, a girl needs her secrets after all, but you become closer than just sisters. She is your true soul mate and the other half of your old lady rocking chair duo. One of the only people you will keep in touch with from high school is Hillary. Thank god you have her in your life, dig your nails in deep on that one.
So advice for the future. Keep your head up and your arms in the air while riding this roller coaster. There are scary moments and exhilarating moments. Bring tissues. Lots and lots of tissues. Maybe some spanks for those ugly duckling moments and a shot glass for the booze. Also throw in a push up bra and some thongs. Trust me you'll need all of these, and you'll thank me for it.
I wish I could be there for you so you have an extra shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with, but don't worry you'll have plenty of people surrounding you.
Stay strong.
Paula Vaughan (oh ya, you change your name in the future).
P.S really consider reading up on cars. Seriously trust me on that. Oh and you still don't know what you want to be when you grow up. Don't waste time on college. Just work on being happy.
Nice! I'm happy to see that today's 28 year olds are so much wiser than I was at that age.
ReplyDeleteAnd for what it's worth, I think you're very pretty. I'm sure you aren't seeing yourself the way others see you.